Creationist School Books and What passes for Education in Intelligent Design!

Below is an comment I received in response to one of my blogs that was basically an advertisement for a Creationist school book series. I don’t get mad at this sort of thing since I do the same type of viral marketing with Flores Girl. On the other hand, I guess I don’t have a life so I actually looked the site up. Wow, talk about strange. I have never seen someone tie themselves up in mental knots like this before. I mean I once knew a girl who was good with knots but that’s an entirely different story and for a entirely new blog. Anyway, take a gander at this and see if any of this makes sense to you. I get this stuff all the time because of the name of my adventure podcast, Flores Girl: The Children Got Forgot. The creationist flog to the site like birds to freshly washed car. Did I mention Flores Girl was a free podcast at Podiobooks? Okay, I’m a marketing slut, I admit it.

Erik John Bertel

THERE IS A NEW DISCIPLINE:

The Quest for !@#$, a series of 7 textbooks created for the public schools, represents the ultimate marriage between an in-depth knowledge of biblical phenomena and natural and physical sciences. (You got this is for the home schooled crowd -EjB) The several volumes have accomplished that which, heretofore, was deemed impossible: to level the playing field between those who desire a return to physical science in the classroom and those who embrace the theory of evolution. The Quest for Right turns the tide by providing an authoritative and enlightening scientific explanation of natural phenomena which will ultimately dethrone the unprofitable Darwinian view.

(How about a little dethroning via some scientific research and experimentation rather than saying god did it? -EjB)

The backbone of Darwinism is not biological evolution per se, but electronic interpretation, the tenet that all physical, chemical, and biological processes result from a change in the electron structure of the atom which, in turn, may be deciphered through the orderly application of mathematics, as outlined in quantum mechanics. A few of the supporting theories are: degrading stars, neutron stars, black holes, extraterrestrial water, antimatter, the absolute dating systems, and the big bang, the explosion of a singularity infinitely smaller than the dot of an “i” from which space, time, and the massive stellar bodies supposedly sprang into being.

(Huh, I guess this is how creationists try to explain randomness in the gene pool – EjB)

The philosophy rejects any divine intervention. Therefore, let the philosophy of Darwinism be judged on these specifics: electron interpretation and quantum mechanics. Conversely, the view that God is both responsible for and rules all the phenomena of the universe will stand or fall when the facts are applied. The view will not hinge on faith alone, but will be tested by the weightier principle of verifiable truths – the new discipline.

(Actually that is the province of physicists but what the heck if we muddy the water enough maybe nobody will notice all we are saying is god did it! – EjB)
The Quest for !@$# is not only better at explaining natural phenomena, but also may be verified through testing. As a consequence, the material in the several volumes will not violate the so-called constitutional separation of church and state. Physical science, the old science of cause and effect, will have a long-term sustainability, replacing irresponsible doctrines based on whim. Teachers and students will rejoice in the simplicity of earthly phenomena when entertained by the new discipline.

(Ouch, new discipline – that sounds scary, almost Catholic school-like. Still it could be fun with the right girl! Yikes, I’m starting to sound like a fetish freak!-EjB)

The Quest for !@#$ is not only an academic resource designed for the public schools, but also contains a wealth of information on pertinent subjects that seminarians need to know to be effective: geology, biology, geography, astronomy, chemistry, paleontology, and in-depth Biblical studies. The nuggets from the pages of Biblical history alone will give seminarians literally hundreds of fresh ideas for sermons and teachings. The ministry resources contained in The Quest for Right serve as invaluable aids that will enrich graduates beyond their highest expectations.

(Stephen Hawkins watch out, those wacky creationists scientists will be after you next! – EjB)

Here’s a passage from the book:

The investigation tackles the perplexing problem of how to reduce the earth’s heavy saturation of atmospheric water vapors on the first and second days of creation to their present level. Interestingly, light but not the sun was created on the first day; the sun was created on the fourth day. The cleric scholarship, unaccustomed to the laws of classical physics, has been rendered impotent in the submission of any viable mechanism. The league of scientists are similarly neutralized even though they have the answer within their grasp. The quandary leaves the investigation poised to solve the seemingly inexplicable riddle by incorporating the best of both worlds: the premises set down in the scientific record of creation and the fundamental rules of classical physics, which hold the universe in its grasp. The mystery is solved by entertaining a certain aspect of the marvelous water molecule.

(What the heck? Is it me or does any of this make sense? I know I am not home schooled but huh?- EJB)

You will not want to miss the adventure of a lifetime which awaits you in Volume 1 of The Quest for !@#$. (Wow, there are seven volumes of them)

“A book that will change the world.” – Wayne’s World, Editor, Vanity Publishing

(I thought the Bible did that? Hey, this is fun, it’s good to be the king- EjB)

Seven Golden Rules for Effective Fiction Podcasting

So have gotten through this podcasting exercise I came up with seven golden rules for podcasting fiction that I have learned from my own speculative fiction podcast, Flores Girl:The Children God Forgot -

1. Do complete your novel before recording the podcast and do not write as you go. Making it up as you go along may have worked for Indiana Jones but for a podcast that is a recipe for certain failure. It very easy to go down a rat hole in a story and with it so go your listeners.
2. Seriously consider culling your written work so as to make the podcast more manageable in overall length. By the way, I did not listen to my own advice.
3. Do invest in the proper audio equipment for your recording. There are some good discussions at the Podiobooks community site about this issue. You will also need the right software to edit your podcast and yes, we do get into the stupid PC-Mac holy wars as well.
4. Practice, listen and then practice some more.
5. And then edit and re-edit your results like a demon. Listen several times and then asks others to listen as well. One of the Podiobooks writers complained that he recorded a flatulent moment during one of his podcasts and unfortunately he doesn’t use side effects. I can’t say I have recorded a sound artifart but I have occasionally recorded a family argument or two by accident. I have also missed an edit and recorded the same sentence several times.
6. Don’t do accents or change sex during a podcast unless you are a marvelous actor or a very talented hermaphrodite.
7. Once completed marketed the hell out of your podcast. Just because you recorded it that doesn’t mean the listeners will automatically flock to it.

By the way I really do enjoy working with the people at Podiobooks, including Evo Terra and Chris Miller but maybe you have had good experiences with other sites and communities. Please share!

Reflections on completing the Flores Girl Podcast.

I have conflicting emotions about the completion of my speculative fiction thriller Flores Girl: The Children God Forgot Podcast at Podiobooks. First, I’m glad to be done with the podcast since it has been hanging over my head for over a year and a half. I was about a third through the podcast when the sirens call of family responsibility took precedence over my writing muse. I assumed a position of responsibility with a large Fortune 100 company and to say that my time has been limited is an understatement. So the podcast was basically relegated to a weekend ritual at the end of my fifty to sixty hour week.

Because I didn’t have the foresight to cull the novel from the start, it is over 550 pages, I ended up recording 26 chapters for the podcast. Reading my novel aloud was an interesting exercise because it made it easy to spot glaring weaknesses in my narrative and prose. Yes, after my readings I did rewrite entire sections of the novel. That was the exception to the rule but tweaks to the story and rewriting were the norm as I recorded the podcast. Monotonous dialog tags that could be skipped as you read became a drone during the spoken narrative of the podcast. I learned a lot as I made way from podcast to podcast. Oh, did I mention that I began writing the sequel to the first novel about the same time? That added another layer of complexity to the process because it did kinda of make sense make the narrative consistent between the two novels. Plus I started the third and final novel as I gathered more ideas to complete the further adventures of the two pains in the butt I called Sarah and Richard.

I dutifully went through this exercise every weekend, taking hours to record the narrative and then I spent hours adding sound effects and music. And of course there was the requisite audio equipment failure that cost me a month of my time as the mike input on my trusted laptop decided to crap out altogether. What a pain in the ass!

Then there was the readers, I mean listeners to deal with. They keep harping about what was taking so long. Jeez, as if a month between podcasts is too long to wait? Well, of course they were right and then came the inevitable criticisms of the podcast. You talk too fast, you have a funny accent (what the hell do you expect, I’m from New Yawk), the volume is too low and so on. At first, you might be inclined to make a comment about you get what you pay for but the listeners are making a considerable investment, that is, in terms of their time. In my case they were listening to over 15 hours of podcast recordings. So think thick skin like a rhinoceros and you will be fine, otherwise watch out.

More to follow on the Podcast Experience.